Sometimes, Life Cuts Us Deep

April 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

It’s 17th April 2012, 10:12 AM. I skipped school today since I don’t feel like going. I’ve been going through the process of moving on with life this couple of months. I’m still lost. I am unsure with the decisions I made. I can’t perform my prayers and it’s getting harder for me to just cope with life. All I can say is that, I miss you terribly and I wish you’re here. But maybe we can’t be together right now because it’s not the right time. But is it me the only one here who’s hoping I can be with you again one day? I, sigh. I just hate it when my mind started to filled with all these what ifs, all these dreams that maybe just maybe can disappoint me one day. I can’t help thinking about us, everyday. I can’t. It’s hard for me and I know it’s hard for you too. We are our first of our everything and it’s just sad that what what we had must be stop now. I feel like I am half alive. My body is here but my mind and soul is somewhere else. I hate how my life is going right now. Apart from busy with chores and studies, I hate where I’m living in. I hate how people think. I hate being surrounded with these type of people. I hate mostly, everything now. I guess I’ve been feeling like this because I’ve lose someone who I always count on to. Someone who I can lean on whenever I have problems or not. I guess I depended on you too much and now I’ve lose my balance without my fireman here by my side. A friend told me that some people will think that I’m running away and I asked myself am I? I won’t lie, I guess I am. I’m not running away because I’m afraid. I just want get my arse far way from here. From the people. Because 1. here and the people who know you and me will yes reminds me of you. 2. I hate how some people judge you without knowing the reasons behind your every action. 3. Getting myself surrounded with people who give me odd stares. 4. Easily annoyed and easily feeling blue just because of some stupid people. I can’t handle all of these now, I just can’t. I’m not that strong like how I used to be but I know I’ve got to try but how? Is there any hope for me? After all of these, I don’t feel like taking any risk in being a relationship anymore. I’d be lying if one day our feelings for someone else will not develop but I need to always remind myself to avoid with this kind of stuff. Hate to say maybe one day we’ll find someone new and it is sad for me because I hate how someone else will make you feel better, what we had will be share with someone else, sigh. I need to close this chapter and start new. I need to focus on aiming my ambition and make my life into something special and successful. I’ll get up, I will, I know I can but I want you to know, this heart of mine will always have a special place for you.

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