Excuse Me?

May 15, 2012 § 1 Comment

“That’s why people don’t want to be friends with you. You’re too ego. You’re ashamed of you’re brother. You care less about him at school, as if I don’t know.” This, came from my mother’s mouth.

I don’t want to be rude but excuse me? I don’t understand this. How’d you know that people don’t want to be friends with me? Maybe I did told you about the craps I’ve been through at school but that? Did I? I don’t think so. For all I could remember, I told you I’m sick and fed up with the people in that school. The real question is that, mom, why does people does not want to be friends with me? What’s their reasons? Is it them or is it me? My ego? You don’t know anything about my ego yet again my life with all this friends and clings. And my stupid brother, mind me but I do love him but have you ever question my actions? Why I did it?

Let me just break it out to you. First, about this, friends. No one wants to be friend with me? Cut the hell out! You’re the one who is always nagged about how to choose friends. Which one is good for me. Which one will bring any good to me. You’re even watching out who I’m with though you know they’re my closest friend yet again best friends! I know it’s typical for a mom to act that way but this? I really can’t accept this. Why? It’s too much. You don’t know what the hell I’m and have going through. I’m like this because experience taught me! You don’t know anything because I only tell you what’s important to tell. Plus, we teenagers are good at hiding the ‘details’ from the adults. Your daughter here, mom, has her own inner circle. I’m not the friendly type, was, maybe, with who I’m with. I’m not the type of person who can just get along with people. Some yes, some annoys the shit out of me, some thinks I’m weird, some thinks the other way around. This is not just me. Others are experiencing the same thing too. I’m not perfect mom, I’m not the angelic person who’s always do good to people though they’ve been manipulated, played, screwed, used by fuckheads. I’m not the angelic person who’s always smile when things go wrong. I’m not the type of person who’s always talk nice, act nice, behave nice. No, no. I’m me. Those people in my school, so who the hell cares if they don’t want to be friends with me? I don’t want to be either! I’ve tried and they’re not the same headed as me. Why should I be friends with them anyway? With all those odd stares they gave me at times, gossips and whispers, ah high school life. This is just normal. Sometimes, I questioned the word ‘friends’. What does one actually knows and understood what this word means? The people I studied with, so what if they’re not my friends? I still have my girlfriends, one who knows the real me, accepts me for who I am. Doesn’t that enough? Rather than being surrounded by a bunch of friends a.k.a hypocrites! I want to make friends, I really want to. I’ve lost a lot already but I can’t start making one here. I just can’t. I despise it here, the place, the people. It’s like I’m living under my grandmother’s neck as people always know what the fuck is going on with my life. Even my secrets, my darkest personal secrets, were once spilled and yes from a FRIEND. Isn’t it nice to have such wonderful lots of friends? Me, too ego? You should think back you know? Even your own love ones can hurt you yet again A FRIEND. It’s just mom, I don’t trust people that easily anymore. I’ve lost faith in the human race. Look at us now? Look at the world we live in. What’s good of having millions of friends when all of them can turn their backs on you one day? My hands, are full with thorns and I’m trying to get rid of them one by one.

I’m ashamed of my brother? Oh yes, I admit I do. I’m not afraid to profess that. I’ve my reasons.
1. The guy is a total hypocrite
2. He’s a hypocrite
3. He’s a hypocrite

I don’t go well with these type of people let alone my own brother. For me, what’s the use of me being nice to him at school when at home I bark at him? Dude, we’re siblings! It’s like a typical sister brother thing? So why do even bother if I don’t care about him at school? Why should bother if I neglected him? I know what I’m doing, I love my brother but you can’t expect me to be a hypocrite too don’t you? At least I’m being me. So what if I’m mean to him at school? At least it’s still the same with how things work at home. Look narrow-minded people, they say blood is thicker than water, so shut your itchy fucking pie holes before judging something. We fought, I’m a mean sister or whatever, at least the love is still there. I don’t need to show that I care everyday. I don’t even have to prove my sister-brother hood to you disgusting people. It’s my life, so don’t just judge without knowing the reason why.

I don’t want to be rude. It’s just my opinion. I’ve learned so much so far.

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§ One Response to Excuse Me?

  • finiesya says:

    True. True. True. Hmm Sabar jak lah kita tok , Mak sy sama juak, nya mdh sy sombong , aok jak lah -_- Susahlah nak mix ngn org. X sama mcm dolok..

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