Those Nights

September 29, 2012 § Leave a comment

Those nights when you can’t sleep. Those night when your eyes are still wide awake. Those nights when your silent thoughts are screaming out loud. Those nights when your head is flooded with how’s and why’s. Those nights when you just can’t stop thinking about someone. Those nights where all you could think is what the future holds you. Those nights when all you feel is emptiness. Those nights when you just need someone to listen to you. Those nights when you just need someone to be there for you. Those nights with indescribable feelings. Those nights where you’re left with unanswered questions. Those nights when you can’t shut your eyes. Those nights where you just want the night to end.

September 22, 2012 § Leave a comment

“Intelligent girls are more depressed
Because they know
What the world is really like
Don’t think for a beat it makes it better
When you sit her down and tell her
Everything’s gonna be all right
She knows in society she either is
A devil or an angel with no in between
She speaks in the third person
So she can
forget that
she’s me”

The Past Should Stay Dead

September 21, 2012 § Leave a comment

Speak out dear, cause I cannot hear you.

– Paramore

I know I should not write about this I know I shouldn’t and I mustn’t but I can’t help it. Decided to go back home since I’m feeling nausea thanks to those bloody chicken wings I ate last night, ugh talking about chicken or the thought of chickens cross my mind just make me literally wanna puke. I hate it when I’m sick, specially when I’m all alone. Times like this, I tend to recall back the past. How I used to just give you a call or text you to inform you that I’m sick. How I used to cry all by myself while waiting for you to come home from school because I felt empty and alone and your voice is the only thing that can calms me down. How I miss all those attentions that you once gave me. How I miss your hugs, your kisses, your love. Everything. I know it has been almost 5 months that ‘us’ ended but I can’t seem to accept the fact that you can let go of me just like that? After all we been through, after all you’ve done for me, I still can’t believe it. How can how could you replace me in an instant? How could you just forget every memories that we have made? How did you let all of these go? Don’t you think of me anymore? Don’t you miss me the way I miss you? What’s so good about her? What? What is so special about her that I, who was once your everything, who was once your first of everything, who was once the most important person in your life, can replaced me in your heart? What happened now? What changed you? Is it me? You can’t tolerate with me anymore? That’s it? You don’t want to give me a second chance? I’m not that stupid. I know you have something with her when you’re still with me. You left me without a proper explanation. Now I don’t know what to believe in anymore. Is that real or fake? It’s sad knowing that you like literally cheated on me when in fact you hated the ‘word’. You were in pieces because someone cheated on you. You lost faith towards the opposite gender because of the word. So what made you do the same thing? Don’t tell me I’m wrong because I know what I saw, I get your body language, your words that you thrown out. You know I’m hopeless because of the same word. You know how insecure I am in getting into a relationship again. You know how weak and afraid I am. You and me, we both went through the same thing. But why, why did you do the thing that you hated most towards me? At least you can give me a reason before leaving me hanging. Before surprising me that you now are currently with someone knew, yet she’s your closest friend and whom someone I knew that once invited me to her birthday, complimented me and stuff. Irritating? I want to hate you, to loathe you to death but I can’t. There’s something stopping me. I hate the both of you. You and everyone who has connections with you. Do you know that deep inside my heart is raging storm right now. I can’t let go because you and I still have an unfinished business to settle. But look at you now. So happy without me. I tried to accept my fate and overall I did quite well but not a hundred percent. Because my heart longs for an answer. An answer which I’m not sure if it’ll be answer one day. Sigh god has better plans for me I know but why does it have to be like this? Why can’t it end properly like how it should be? Why? Is she better than me? Is she? Did she love you like I did?

Dumbness

September 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

I was finishing my essay for SPM module 1 last Wednesday and two of my friends came up to me and take a look at my work. After they read half of my descriptive writing, one of my friend said that my idea was suck. The tittle for the essay was to continue from the sentence “I couldn’t believe what I saw” and I decided to write about how I felt about myself. About depression, about a guy friend that I’ve been longing for almost 3 years. I don’t mind if you thought that my stories are mostly into adult world and not writing about teenagers. How dumb of me for not fighting back. For not defending my work, my ideas. Does it actually matter what I wrote? Does it actually matter if it’s into adult world? Only adults who are going through depression? I’ve been through depression so does that count me as an adult? People who are going through a period of depression does not count whether you’re 17 or 47. It does not matter. It’s a state of mind. It’s something most of human kind went through. So why is it that my work about depression is called “suck”? And yet you’ve not finished reading it. You know what’s disappointing? Your own friend mocking your work where what you did was about what you’ve felt so far in life, the things you’ve been through. As a matter of fact, what makes you think that your ideas are better than me? Me exploring the adult world means that I’m ready to go to the next phase of life while you on the other hand, still playing safe and cannot take and accept people’s ideas and opinions unless it’s proven that there someone out there who is far more better than you. Excuse me pal but you need to open your eyes wide that nobody’s perfect. Try to accept someone as they are like people accept you. You’re weird, you’re fake like what you said the other day and so? Why can’t you accept if others are not the same as you? Fuck me for smiling when she fired out those bloody words. Fuck me for not firing back. Fuck you for being so narrow fricking minded.

“If I do marry, I want …

September 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

“If I do marry, I want it to be for love.”

SDW?

September 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

“I’d love to have a soul mate, I’m sure God will give him to me someday when the time is right & I know it will be worth the wait” – Tori

September 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

Goodnight

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