The Past Should Stay Dead
September 21, 2012 § Leave a comment
Speak out dear, cause I cannot hear you.
I know I should not write about this I know I shouldn’t and I mustn’t but I can’t help it. Decided to go back home since I’m feeling nausea thanks to those bloody chicken wings I ate last night, ugh talking about chicken or the thought of chickens cross my mind just make me literally wanna puke. I hate it when I’m sick, specially when I’m all alone. Times like this, I tend to recall back the past. How I used to just give you a call or text you to inform you that I’m sick. How I used to cry all by myself while waiting for you to come home from school because I felt empty and alone and your voice is the only thing that can calms me down. How I miss all those attentions that you once gave me. How I miss your hugs, your kisses, your love. Everything. I know it has been almost 5 months that ‘us’ ended but I can’t seem to accept the fact that you can let go of me just like that? After all we been through, after all you’ve done for me, I still can’t believe it. How can how could you replace me in an instant? How could you just forget every memories that we have made? How did you let all of these go? Don’t you think of me anymore? Don’t you miss me the way I miss you? What’s so good about her? What? What is so special about her that I, who was once your everything, who was once your first of everything, who was once the most important person in your life, can replaced me in your heart? What happened now? What changed you? Is it me? You can’t tolerate with me anymore? That’s it? You don’t want to give me a second chance? I’m not that stupid. I know you have something with her when you’re still with me. You left me without a proper explanation. Now I don’t know what to believe in anymore. Is that real or fake? It’s sad knowing that you like literally cheated on me when in fact you hated the ‘word’. You were in pieces because someone cheated on you. You lost faith towards the opposite gender because of the word. So what made you do the same thing? Don’t tell me I’m wrong because I know what I saw, I get your body language, your words that you thrown out. You know I’m hopeless because of the same word. You know how insecure I am in getting into a relationship again. You know how weak and afraid I am. You and me, we both went through the same thing. But why, why did you do the thing that you hated most towards me? At least you can give me a reason before leaving me hanging. Before surprising me that you now are currently with someone knew, yet she’s your closest friend and whom someone I knew that once invited me to her birthday, complimented me and stuff. Irritating? I want to hate you, to loathe you to death but I can’t. There’s something stopping me. I hate the both of you. You and everyone who has connections with you. Do you know that deep inside my heart is raging storm right now. I can’t let go because you and I still have an unfinished business to settle. But look at you now. So happy without me. I tried to accept my fate and overall I did quite well but not a hundred percent. Because my heart longs for an answer. An answer which I’m not sure if it’ll be answer one day. Sigh god has better plans for me I know but why does it have to be like this? Why can’t it end properly like how it should be? Why? Is she better than me? Is she? Did she love you like I did?