Losing Control

January 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

Anna opened her eyes and closed it back. She took a deep breath and made her head jerk forward. She opened her eyes again and observed the things around her. Her head was throbbing. What happened? Where am I? She was in a blue lilac room and her left arm was attached to a Velcro cuff and an IV bag. She got into her feet, stretched her legs and stare at the window. The sky was pitch black, there were no sign of stars yet a full moon. Suddenly, it all came back. That feeling, that horrible feeling. She looked at her wrist and there were scars, scars from her cuts that she did the other night. Explains why she’s here. These scars on her were proof of her sadness. Not just sadness, sorrows and bitterness which has landed their fang on her heart, and they’ve had infected her blood and body with a kind of misery that stays forever.

Anna, pulled all the wires attached to her body with all her might. As she was making her way out of the room, Dimitri showed up just in time.

“Let me pass Dimitri.”
“I won’t let you.”
“And why the hell you won’t?”
“Because I love you and I won’t let you destroy yourself.”
“Please I beg you, let me be by myself!”
“The last time I let you by yourself, you’ve been admitted to the hospital.”

Anna bit her lip and hit Dimitri at the chest. Spiteful words were thrown out to him. Anna sat at the corner of the floor and wrapped her knees with her arms around and buried her face inside. Dimitri walked towards her and sat by her side. He could hear her weeping, he could hear the loud cry. No need tears to proof that she’s broken, her eyes already showed everything. Dimitri wrapped her around and pulled her closed. Anna pushed her back and hit him again. With no hesitation, he took her again in his arms and hold her tight. He could feel a hurricane, that destroyed her insides and only left ruins of her heart, soul, mind and body that could not be pieced together. He hated it. He despised it.

“I’m here. I’m here.” he said and kissed her forehead.

“Why are you still here? Why? Why? Why?!”
“I want to help.”
“You can’t. You can’t help me. No one can save me from myself.”
“That’s true. I can’t save you. Only you can save yourself but it won’t just happen automatically.You need someone to probe you in that direction.”

After making sure she was on the saline drip and medication with the help of several nurses and Anna, who was fast asleep, Dimitri sat down. He grabbed her hand and kissed it gently. He get up and kissed her forehead and both her swollen eyes.

“I know you felt that no one understands you. I know you felt numb and ambivalent these days. Truth is we know there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if the light just barely flickered. You were once this bright and cheerful girl and all I want is to see you regained your smile again. You were there for me, now let me be there for you. Let me be that someone. Let me.”


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