Show Me The Way

February 15, 2013 § Leave a comment

Guilt somehow manage to consume my mind, my heart. I don’t want you to feel like a stranger or being left out in your own house. No. It’s just that I couldn’t start a simple conversation with you. Let alone look at you. I just can’t. The pain to even lift up my face to look at you is unbearable. It’s like there’s an anchor in my heart every time I know you’re there. God, I can’t even tolerate when someone bring up about you. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to be rude. I don’t want to be an ungrateful child. It’s just that hearing all these confessions from the other side, I couldn’t help but to think you could do such a thing. I thought you’ve change. I thought you wanted to work things out but I was completely wrong. You’re still the same old you. You can’t blame me for feeling like this. We both know who’s wrong and who’s right in this situation. Knowing you still can’t lower your ego down to save this as if to show that on the surface you’re innocent is getting ridiculous to me. What more of her do you want? What is that that you really want? Why can’t you just admit your faults? Is it that hard? What? Because you’re a man? Bullshit. There’s no such thing as a man with a big fat ego. To me, you’re nothing but a pathetic coward wreck who’s fucked up and doesn’t know what do with his life anymore. I’ve my limits too. Do you even have any idea how dejected I am with this crap? Why can’t you change so this bullshit won’t happen again in the future? Why is it so hard for you to accept defeat when we all know you’re guilty? You can’t blame us if we decided to drift apart from you for awhile. As a child, I’ll try to take this matter carefully. I don’t want to cry and mourn about it for the rest of the day. I’ve got other things to worry about. Not again. Not anymore. Whatever you choices are, so be it. Maybe I’ll break down, yes I get all fired up. I’ll throw tantrums and sarcastic comments at you. Why not? If that’s what it takes to make you open your bloody eyes then I am crossing the line. Watch me. Don’t let your filthy and ruthless needs overwhelm you. I just don’t want you to regret. You have no idea how bad the damage can cause to everyone. Oh God, if I could just punch you in the face. Sigh I just hope that things will get sort out for good.

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