March 29, 2013 § Leave a comment

sigh I love you
please be here
by my side
stupid dork
you make me secure about mostly everything
specially me nose the shape of my lips me face haha
I love you
come back

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March 29, 2013 § Leave a comment

“Always have the highest bar for yourself. Wake up everyday and no matter how crappy you feel, want to change something for the better. Do something that makes someone happy. Create something that inspires someone. Be someone’s light when they are hopeless.”
– Dave Grohl

March 26, 2013 § Leave a comment

oohh I just love love love when I get pretty ticked off because at that point everything makes sense! The adrenaline ah the spirit the motivation you have no idea what’s been playing on my mind fuck I just feel like beating the fuck off of everybody and just win the fucking race why can’t I just stay mad forever so I’ll be extra fucking anticipated in making my life more meaningful and marvelous fuck

life is like a box full of chocolates

March 26, 2013 § Leave a comment

I was idling for half an hour on my bed thinking about how my life has been going so far. And that so far well let’s just say I could sum up that everything I have, mostly they are taken away.

I could see it now. People around me are ahead of me and I am far left behind. After this afternoon, I’ve realized how small I actually am. Knowing that most of my closest friends received good results for the past national examination, a pang of regret and jealousy rushes through my blood. My results they are quite good but somehow I do believe I actually can do better. Yes, I’ve accepted it earlier with all my heart that I did best for it and whatever happens, I take it with an open mind.

Supposed I am wrong after all.

If I were to list down all the things that I must own in my life oh boy it sure is long! Now that my situation is pretty uptight at the moment, I just couldn’t help but wonder what happens next? I don’t want to lose all the privilege I currently have now forever. Oh god nauzubillah can’t even imagine that could happen I hope not.

Dear self, you do know how badly and desperately you want all of these kan? SO PLEASE PLEASE WORK HARD TO GET EM PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE SLAP YOUR FRICKING SELF HIT YOUR HEAD BANG YOURSELF AT THE WALL IF I WANT AN EASY LIFE FOR THE FUTURE THEN I HAVE TO STRUGGLE HARD AMIN

p/s: hoping the fire I’ve lit will burn more vigorously and brightly day by day

March 24, 2013 § Leave a comment

view from my house

20130324-231642.jpg

come and lie

March 24, 2013 § Leave a comment

do you have any idea how everyday I am tempted to just drop everything and just grab my bag and hope on a plane?

do you have any idea how jealous I am towards people who has the time for themselves and the ones their love especially at long breaks like this?

do you have any idea how I miss traveling and go sight-seeing new places and go shopping and have fun?

do you have any idea how much I miss and my need to spend some quality time with my family and not worry a single thing?

do you have any idea how badly I want to prove everybody wrong?

do you have any idea what the actual heck I am actually going through at the moment?

do you have any idea how easily beaten and overwhelm I am by these monsters inside of me?

do you have any idea how much I’ve been strong for myself and others and now I’ve to build my walls higher and thicker?

do you have any idea how numb and astray I am?

do you have any idea how much I want all the money in the world and just buy anything that I’ve lust for and help the poor and needy?

do you have any idea how badly I am looking for peace and serenity?

do you have any idea how much I want to love and get closer to Allah?

do you have any idea how insecure I am seeing others so happy with their love ones, with what they have and with what they are?

do you have any idea how much effort I’ve to put up with just to make sure that I don’t look pathetic and I don’t lose the ones around me?

do you have any idea how I stare at my ceiling motionlessly thinking about the purpose of life and my existence?

do you have any idea how much I want everything to be like how it used to be?

do you have any idea how bad I want to be successful in my life and point to all those who don’t believe in me?

do you have any idea how much I want to love and to be loved back equally?

do you have any idea how desperately I am to just figured out what my life should be?

do you have any idea how hard it is to be good and to keep myself on the right track?

do you have any idea how bad I want a happy family with loving friends?

do you have any idea how suck it is to be me?

do you have any idea how hard it is to change myself to someone good?

do you have any idea how hard it is when reality hits you directly on the face?

do you have any fucking idea how badly I want someone to just hug me and assure me that everything’s going to be alright?

do you have any idea how much I want to be content and perpetuity knowing and believe that the next second of my life is going to be wonderful?

do you have any idea how hard it is to make amends with everything and start new?

do you have any idea what I’m trying to say here?

March 24, 2013 § Leave a comment

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