March 8, 2013 § Leave a comment
Lately, I’ve been awaken up at late hours and tonight seems to be the hardest one ever. Somehow, loneliness hits me. It’s a heavy downpour at the moment, and when I woke up all I could ever think was how stormy the night is. To that point, I started to yearn for someone’s attention, someone’s presence. I picked up my phone and decided who to call yet I have none. It’s quite devastating for me since I used to have someone to confided to when I’m feeling like this. That’s when I realize that I’m actually not in peace right now. I should be enjoying this weather and be at ease before I fall asleep again. Instead no, loneliness crept into my spines and it hurts. Why am I living this way? Why had my life turned out to be like this? Should I be in this situation if I have not taken this route? Are You looking at me now?
I kept on thinking and thinking now and yes, it seems that my heart seems to be longing for love and affection. Times like this all I could think of was having someone to share what I’m going through. Just be there and calm me down, assuring me that everything’s gonna be fine. This rain will end, it won’t last forever. But no, I don’t have that particular someone. No, it doesn’t really have to be someone special no. Somehow I could depend on when I’m feeling down like this. Someone who I could entrust my soul to, who actually understand what the hell I an going through now. Yet, do I actually need one when I have Him who’s always be there 24/7 whether I need him or not. I don’t want to depend on a person for me to calm the raging emotions I’m feeling now. I don’t want my happiness infuses in my veins because of a person. I want it to happen because I’m allowed to be happy. I can be happy. Perhaps, I still can’t managed to stand on my own two feet well. Perhaps, I need someone to lend me a hand and probe me to the right direction. Is it even that necessary anyway? You know what I think? I think I’ve not found peace that I’ve been searching for. It’s not yet in my grasp. Dear God, help me.