February 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

“No, no. You’re hiding something. What is it?”
“What no. Nothing.”
“You’re laughing a lot today. When this happened, there is something wrong.”


And Everywhere I Am There You’ll Be

January 22, 2013 § Leave a comment

“You need to stop this.”

Anna was staring at the blue wide sky, tucking her knees around her arms and sitting against a large striking evergreen tree. It was a beautiful sunny day but her mood wasn’t there. Her mind was blurry and occupied. Occupied with one thing only.

“It’s been nearly 2 hours you haven’t spoke a thing and I’m on my second pack now.”

Derek smacked the pack filter-side down onto the heel of his hand rapidly. He took a stick and lit the end of his cigarette. He hold the smoke in his mouth for 5 seconds and inhale it slowly. After he took another puff, he stretched his legs and stare at her. Derek shook his head and inhale more.

“5 hours ago you were all smiles and the next thing I know you all sour in a speed of light. What’s wrong?
“He didn’t show up.”
“Him who?”

It was quiet again and Anna rested her chin at her knees. The tall figure she met the other day kept on playing in her mind. It’s not because the height, it’s because this customer she served the other day who reminded her of him. His brunette shoulder-length hair, his rosy cream skin, his nose, he’s thin and that smile. How can she resist?

“Don’t tell me because he resembles him?
“He is. I just couldn’t I… I never thought I met someone who looks like him here. Like can you even believe that?”
“Yeah and they tell me I look like the front man of All American Rejects.”
“I’m serious here.”
“And so am I. Anna, you know I hate seeing you like this. Please, you need to stop putting your hopes high. It’s actually a good thing hoping but if it affects your mood especially it’s about a person, you need to control it you know? Don’t expect much. Look you’ve been waiting for a week now and did he came? No.”

She let out a big heavy sigh. It’s been 3 years and Anna is torn between keep on waiting and hoping or letting this go. But how can she let it go when he kept crawling back in her mind? And this man she met the other day is making the situation worse.

“I know deep there you think that I don’t understand. I do sometimes and sometimes it’s the opposite. Follow your heart. If your heart says it’s worth the wait and you know you’ll meet him again one day, then go. But if your heart says something else, then you know what to do.”

Derek threw the last stick of his cigarette and twisted his foot on it. He got up and turned to her. He held out his right hand to Anna and smiled.

“Come. It’s a great day. Don’t let this thing destroy it for you. Well hey, we only live once am I right?”

He gave a wink and Anna grabbed his hand. Anna took a deep inhale and exhaled slowly. It’s a beautiful day and everyone is smiling. She should’ve embrace it not frown all day long. Anna gave a warm smile to Derek and squeezed his hand tighter. He’s right. This idiot is totally right.

“That’s more like it!”

Derek pulled Anna along with him and ran across the green field. He cheered and soar to the sky. Anna can’t help but laughed and joined in. She just hoped that one day, one day she’ll be all smiles with her hands held tight by two of the most important person in her life. One day.

I’ll Float To You, My Darling

January 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

“Why so fragile miss?” He took a long drag and exhale it slowly.

And it all started.

Losing Control

January 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

Anna opened her eyes and closed it back. She took a deep breath and made her head jerk forward. She opened her eyes again and observed the things around her. Her head was throbbing. What happened? Where am I? She was in a blue lilac room and her left arm was attached to a Velcro cuff and an IV bag. She got into her feet, stretched her legs and stare at the window. The sky was pitch black, there were no sign of stars yet a full moon. Suddenly, it all came back. That feeling, that horrible feeling. She looked at her wrist and there were scars, scars from her cuts that she did the other night. Explains why she’s here. These scars on her were proof of her sadness. Not just sadness, sorrows and bitterness which has landed their fang on her heart, and they’ve had infected her blood and body with a kind of misery that stays forever.

Anna, pulled all the wires attached to her body with all her might. As she was making her way out of the room, Dimitri showed up just in time.

“Let me pass Dimitri.”
“I won’t let you.”
“And why the hell you won’t?”
“Because I love you and I won’t let you destroy yourself.”
“Please I beg you, let me be by myself!”
“The last time I let you by yourself, you’ve been admitted to the hospital.”

Anna bit her lip and hit Dimitri at the chest. Spiteful words were thrown out to him. Anna sat at the corner of the floor and wrapped her knees with her arms around and buried her face inside. Dimitri walked towards her and sat by her side. He could hear her weeping, he could hear the loud cry. No need tears to proof that she’s broken, her eyes already showed everything. Dimitri wrapped her around and pulled her closed. Anna pushed her back and hit him again. With no hesitation, he took her again in his arms and hold her tight. He could feel a hurricane, that destroyed her insides and only left ruins of her heart, soul, mind and body that could not be pieced together. He hated it. He despised it.

“I’m here. I’m here.” he said and kissed her forehead.

“Why are you still here? Why? Why? Why?!”
“I want to help.”
“You can’t. You can’t help me. No one can save me from myself.”
“That’s true. I can’t save you. Only you can save yourself but it won’t just happen automatically.You need someone to probe you in that direction.”

After making sure she was on the saline drip and medication with the help of several nurses and Anna, who was fast asleep, Dimitri sat down. He grabbed her hand and kissed it gently. He get up and kissed her forehead and both her swollen eyes.

“I know you felt that no one understands you. I know you felt numb and ambivalent these days. Truth is we know there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if the light just barely flickered. You were once this bright and cheerful girl and all I want is to see you regained your smile again. You were there for me, now let me be there for you. Let me be that someone. Let me.”

Where Am I?

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