November 13, 2012 § Leave a comment

My fingers are itching to just update my blog so then here goes. I know I have not been a good sport for not updating this dusty blog so anyhow here I am. SPM is around the corner and most of the time I’m stuck with my books. Though I am excited that SPM will be over so soon but the fact that I’m not that serious in nailing my exam is just dejecting. I’m not quite so sure myself if my BM, English, Sejarah and Maths went fine. Well I hope I did better, I really hope so it’s just that is it fully enough? Sigh praying A for those 4 subjects, never mind A-, at least it’s an A.

Received my Add Maths paper 1 test paper (tuition), it was bad. My results are gradually decreasing and I might say that I’ve not done my add maths revision that quite enough so must work hard! Must get A! 6 days are given so please please dear self, use it wisely. I’m doing my Add Maths now so till then xx



November 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

To be frightfully honest, the fact that SPM is this Monday well I can say that I’m a little anxious and worried and at the same time I’m 70% calm. I’m unsure of this myself because my condition right now is worrying since I do t even know why I’m feeling like this. Although the future does scare the shit out of me and I’m incessant preoccupation about it but still, still I’m lolling around waiting for who knows what. Sigh I’m not a couch potato. CERTAINLY NOT. It’s not that I don’t study at all, I do but it’s just that it’s not enough. The knowledge I’ve gained so far is not enough for my preparation for battle. I am dejected for not spending and organize my time well during my Form 4. If I were given to go back in time, of course I would like to go back. There are so many things that I do want to change. So anyways, better open the books and start pulling my socks now.

“It is never too late.” said a classmate of mine

Well I hope you’re right.


September 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

I was finishing my essay for SPM module 1 last Wednesday and two of my friends came up to me and take a look at my work. After they read half of my descriptive writing, one of my friend said that my idea was suck. The tittle for the essay was to continue from the sentence “I couldn’t believe what I saw” and I decided to write about how I felt about myself. About depression, about a guy friend that I’ve been longing for almost 3 years. I don’t mind if you thought that my stories are mostly into adult world and not writing about teenagers. How dumb of me for not fighting back. For not defending my work, my ideas. Does it actually matter what I wrote? Does it actually matter if it’s into adult world? Only adults who are going through depression? I’ve been through depression so does that count me as an adult? People who are going through a period of depression does not count whether you’re 17 or 47. It does not matter. It’s a state of mind. It’s something most of human kind went through. So why is it that my work about depression is called “suck”? And yet you’ve not finished reading it. You know what’s disappointing? Your own friend mocking your work where what you did was about what you’ve felt so far in life, the things you’ve been through. As a matter of fact, what makes you think that your ideas are better than me? Me exploring the adult world means that I’m ready to go to the next phase of life while you on the other hand, still playing safe and cannot take and accept people’s ideas and opinions unless it’s proven that there someone out there who is far more better than you. Excuse me pal but you need to open your eyes wide that nobody’s perfect. Try to accept someone as they are like people accept you. You’re weird, you’re fake like what you said the other day and so? Why can’t you accept if others are not the same as you? Fuck me for smiling when she fired out those bloody words. Fuck me for not firing back. Fuck you for being so narrow fricking minded.

Trial 1

September 15, 2012 § Leave a comment

It is officially over. Trial 2 is ahead and in approximately one month and 2 weeks, hello SPM. So far I think I’m doing good with my Chemistry and Add Maths (alhamdulillah). In the process of improving those 2 weak subjects okay minus Physics since I am not quite fond of the subject, I think I got carried away. I was too focus and I’ve not time to do my revision for other subjects. Not a good thing. I did not get the chance to nail my Bio paper since I studied, last minute. I’m assuming that my paper 2 and 3 will be, not good. Sigh need to work harder.

Parents just touchdown at Seoul Incheon Airport. Green with envy here. He’s there. The guy I’ve waited for almost 3 years. The guy that I’ve been longing to see since we last met. Sigh I miss you. Hope you guys had a great trip! Seoul, me, one day. Yes.


August 28, 2012 § Leave a comment

I wish that I did not know you.
I wish I don’t have any relation with you.
I wish we never met.
I wish we never walked through each other’s lives.
I wish I can control this pheonix I’ve inside of me.
I wish I could change your perception.
I wish I could chance your point of view.
I wish I could see my real intentions.
I wish I didn’t dragged my friends into my issues.
I wish I am given a chance to change everything.
I wish.

The Pressure Is On

August 8, 2012 § Leave a comment

89 more days to go! Worried, anxious and yet still procrastinate, still the same. Although I might say I did boost myself up for about 40%. I can’t blame myself for lacking of motivation and spirit. I don’t have that burning desire to achieve my dreams. Speaking of dreams, are my dreams is really the dream that I’ve always wanted? (well minus the fact that I do want to meet SDW) Is it my fault for not exposing myself to different kinds of activities out there? No? Add maths is killing me, seriously. I have managed to answer around 4 questions and yet I only solved at least until B and then my mind went blank. I hate this kind of moment. I’ve learned this before, I’ve did the exercises, but why on earth I still can’t answer the entire paper? Yeah I know add maths who am I kidding the entire paper but hey its SPM, I need to at least answer the whole question although I’ve to just scribbled any nonsense there.


July 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

To summarize how my day went today, it was suck to the core. Did Allah heard Cikgu Sikin’s prayers? Did he answered them? Yes, some of them and it happened today, right after she gave us some advice. I believe in a saying that “everything happens for a reason” and I believe that the reason for this incident to happen is to make us realize that we need to open our eyes. Our class is known for being the rebellion, daredevil and jovial type on the eyes of everyone (?0 especially all the teachers in school. To be frank, we are not actually in the same path as them. We just can’t see eye to eye in mostly, everything. But what I can’t accept is that, besides being well famous in school as the boisterous class, the teachers especially seems like underestimate us. Not just that, they always put all the blame to us and I am not sure what is their actual motives. Is it because the name of the class? Is it because of our batch? Or is it because of us? Every single one of us in this C class whose a puzzle piece to be complete into one. For me, we need to hear both side of the story, not just one. As the adults, I think the teachers should cut the hell for being so bias. I mean, are we that bad and mischievous? I just don’t understand. We always being misjudged and are being misinterpret not just by our words, also our actions. I don’t know what to do anymore. For all I know, all of us need to pray and seek for His advice and guidance because everything happens for a reason and He loves us and I know He wants the best for us that is going back to the right path.

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